O Christmas Tree...O Christmas Tree

 A few weeks ago my lovely family and I were decorating the Christmas Tree.  It's  a huge 10ft tree that is pre-lit.  We got the entire thing up, plugged in and ALL the lights but one little section were out!!!! My husband got the grand idea of putting outside HUGE LED bulb lights on the tree.  So we put them on the tree, plugged it in and....only part of the strain worked. We were left with about 20 lights total on the whole 10ft tree that worked and lots of wasted time.  Oh... how stressful a little thing like decorating a tree can actually become...IF YOU LET IT.

In dealing with my anxiety issues, I have learned that I have choices to make.  I could of chosen in this Christmas tree saga above to curse and throw a huge fit and let the entire situation ruin my night...which I believe I would have done in the past, instead I took a deep breath and remember how blessed I truly am to even be able to put a tree up in the first place.  I took one look at my beautiful boys and how they were so excited to be decorating the tree... with or with out lights...and in that moment...I decided the tree DOES NOT NEED lights this year!!!

In Romans 12:16 we learn that it is wise to plan, but if things don't go our way we must be flexible. I have learned in every situation in my life I need to surrender control. The simple fact is we are not in control...GOD is. Once I truly understood that...the chains of anxiety started to fall from me.  We have all heard the saying "everything happens for a reason" something I like to think that seconds that point is Romans 8:28 this is the scripture that lets us know that, NOT ALL THINGS are good, but God works everything together for HIS good.

Whatever you are facing this Holiday season, remember to think good thoughts and choose to be thankful.  Trust God...he has got your back. It has been said "he will never leave you or forsake you"! That's good news!!!

Has anyone every told you “Don’t worry it’s not the end of the world”?

Has anyone ever told you “Don’t worry it’s not the end of the world” when life handed you a stressful situation? How many times have you been in one of those hard spots in life where you thought it, even if someone did not say it to you?  What does that even mean “the end of the world”, to you?  We use it as a comparison all the time to life’s crazy circumstances we face.  But, have you ever stopped to really think, what that means, and is there any truth in it?

Recently I was blessed to listen to an amazing series at my home church Element in Wentzville where Pastor Eric gave me some incredible insight on what we reference as “the end of the world”.

This is where you don’t shut down and stop reading.  J I promise if anything it will give you something to think about. Lets look at all the natural disasters happening so frequently right now. Why do you think that is happening? In the bible which is 1/3 prophecy (prophecy means to predict what is going to happen), Jesus says in Matthew 24:4-8 “Watch out that no one deceives you. ⁵ For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. ⁶ You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. ⁷ Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. ⁸ All these are the beginning of birth pains”.  Check this out!

http://maps.grida.no/go/graphic/trends-in-natural-disasters

You don’t have to be a genius to see that those numbers are increasing and becoming more frequent.  It’s not global warming, Jesus said this would happen! To top it off in 2011 there has been a natural disaster every month! We could break down that verse even more with more staggering statistics on famine and wars, but I will focus on the natural disasters for now. So is someone, something or perhaps God trying to get our attention?

Whatever your experiencing right now, death in the family, divorce, financial instability, infidelity, depression, or anxiety…it is NOT the end of the world.  Find your strength and rest in Jesus. Start loving others, let go of indifference's and work on your relationship with Jesus so you can be a light for others that need him! In the end what matters is this ⁶ Jesus answered, “I

am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”. John 14:6.  You can’t have the kingdom of God and all the amazing things he offers without Jesus.    

This is GOOD NEWS! You don’t have to be on this Earth during what the bible calls the tribulation (tribulation means: something that causes great difficulty, affliction, or distress). We will be raptured or caught up off this earth to be with God in Heaven 1 Thessalonians 4 15-18. Don’t wait to turn your life around for the better! We are living in the end times.  Let me be clear because the bible is clear on this “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father” on the ending day. So, with that being written, are you ready?

If you need to accept Jesus in your heart but are truly lost on how to begin…please let me know.  I would be happy to say the prayer of salvation with you.
Christyb1981@gmail.com

Pain in the neck...

Pain in the neck

It was 3am on Friday morning and I woke up with excruciating pain in my neck! The pain was so intense that it caused me to vomit.  Anxiety started to set in.  I began to pace my living room in total darkness.  My mind started to wonder. I had just received a deep tissue massage that evening around 9pm.  “What the heck did I do to my neck?” I thought.  “Could this be permanent damage…why does it hurt so bad…why can’t I move my neck?” Every move I made I felt pain! This was pain like no pain I HAVE EVER felt before.  I woke my husband up, we prayed.  Praying was the only thing I knew to do to get me through this.  Shortly after that, I asked God to reveal something to me, words of encouragement…the verse Luke 14 came to my mind.  Keep in mind I NEVER read this verse before…I quickly opened my bible app on my phone and the first thing I read was “Healing of a man on the Sabbath”, without even reading the verse I knew that meant I was going to be ok!!! I read the verse and it was about Jesus healing a man, despite it being the Sabbath.  The next thought that came to my mind was that I needed to praise him even though I don’t understand what is happening to me.  I listened to Casting Crowns “praise you in this storm” 3 times.  Ironically when I lifted my hands in praise, my pain was gone. Shortly after that I looked down at my phone for the daily verse and it was Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The following day I went to see my PCP, it was a pinched nerve! He prescribed some muscle relaxers and said I should be better in 3 days.  A good friend came over to pray for me, she reminded me of Satan’s work on this earth.  It hit me…this was an attack on me.  For some of you reading…I know what you are thinking? Come on Christy…do you really think the Devil or Satan caused this “pinched nerve”.  Well, let me share with you what I do know about Satan so hang in there with me.

1 Peter 5:8-9 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Resist him, standing firm in the faith

John 10:10 The thief (or Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

These are just two verses that speak to me. It’s important to note that the evil works of the enemy are mentioned throughout the entire bible, over and over again. The title “Satan” occurs 53 times in 47 verses in the Bible. Why would a loving God even allow these evil works on this earth? Bile.org http://bible.org/article/satanology says it perfectly, “To reveal God’s glory, Satan was created as the shining one, the morning star, and, having foresight of what Satan would do, God elected to create Satan and to use the blackness of his sin to reveal His divine essence only more emphatically. What is it that makes the stars shine at night? It is the darkness. In fact, to see their beauty in the clearest fashion, one needs to get away from the manmade lights of the city. It is the darkness that allows them to shine.” 

So, if you truly imagine the devil as a “roaring lion” waiting to steal all your happiness, joy, peace of mind and beliefs, then you will quickly understand why so many people fall to sin and failure. Maybe it’s a pain in the neck, loss of a job, family drama, cancer, or an unhappy marriage, know all of it is part of Satan’s bigger plan to “steal, kill and destroy”.  

I think it’s important to note that you must take responsibility for your own actions.  You cannot live life solely blaming the devil for your problems.  However, it is the root of all evil. 

Sunday morning I woke up feeling so much better. Could it be that God was telling me in Luke 14 that I would be better by Sunday??? Despite what the interpretation of that verse was telling me, I’m thankful that I serve a loving God that I can turn to when I have a “pain in the neck”, where do you turn???

It’s not ALL about you!

I recently got sucked into the stress of life again.  Worrying about my job, kids, money, family, friends, and life! In the scheme of things my life really is great compared to the rest of this starving world. But, then I was hit over the head with some incredible points in the book by Francis Chan called “Crazy Love”.

My take on these points were this; what if this life, these problems, this stress, this money is NOT ABOUT US!!!?? What if we are not the “stars” of the show??? Guess what? Here is some proof that it’s not all about us?

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.”

-Isaiah 40:28-29

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

-Proverbs 3:5-6 (One I stand on a lot J)

“It’s better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”

-Psalm 118:8

“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for me?”

-Jeremiah 32:27

“Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.”

-Psalm 105:4

These are just a few stand out verses that gave me a little love nudge that this LIFE is not about me! Is this hard to read? I will be honest…it was hard for me to read.  This is what I love about God’s word; if you force yourself to learn, reflect and acknowledge you grow in this life! You can have fun and live your life to the fullest! I agree with Francis Chan; Worry and stress implies that we don’t believe that GOD is strong enough, powerful enough and BIG enough to help us with our problems. When I realized that… the verses that are all throughout the bible that say “be anxious for nothing”, took on a whole new meaning for me!

Here is another hard to swallow but amazing true point. In James 4:14 it states “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”  Its pointing out a common saying “life is short”.  What does that truly mean? It means that this life is NOTHING compared to eternity.  So incomprehensible that it’s hard for us to even imagine.  We are just a speck of dust in this life. 

You only have one shot to get it right. Now, I’m not saying this is easy, but I’m choosing to “be anxious for nothing”. 

Anxiety and Stress is a constant work in progress for me. That is my “status update”!

I was enjoying brunch with some friends this morning.  One of my friends raised a great question about Facebook, “is it a true reality of people’s lives??”  For example people never post as a status update, “I want to divorce my husband”, “I can’t stand my mother”, “I’m struggling with depression”, “My child is driving me crazy and I wish I never had him”, “I’m broke and can’t afford my house payment”, “I feel lonely and I don’t have anyone to help me”, “I’m 20K in credit card debt”, so I was driving home…and it hit me!!! No, Facebook is not a “TRUE” reality of people’s lives.  For the most part we only see the outside, but you never really see what’s truly going on.  What’s wrong with being REAL and letting people know the truth every now and then.  We are all humans, we all make mistakes, we all need encouragement and for the most part we all just need to know that we are loved and that life can and will get better!!!

Recently, I had an anxiety set back.  I had a small anxiety attack.  I was ashamed, embarrassed and afraid.  Here I was writing a blog, and letting everyone know “how to prevent stress” and I started down the same path.  I thought “why is this happening to me all over again”! Then I realized…it’s me!! My old ways were starting to creep back in, the temptation of success started to slowly work itself back into my life.  I needed to get control.  "All man's efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied." (Ecc. 6:7). This verse means we ALWAYS want more. We work ourselves like dogs…for what? We only as humans crave more! Unless you have something to put your faith into and for me that is Jesus Christ, you will ALWAYS want more.  I had to re-group, re-focus- and re-prioritize, again. 

We all have baggage that we would like to unload, unpack, dismiss, and get rid of.  It’s just what type of baggage we put in our backpack.  Regardless of what type of baggage it might be, the answer is ALWAYS the same.  "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2  

I was tested and tempted recently.  I may have failed, but I know what ever was meant to harm, God can turn to good!  Your path may not always be easy; in fact it might be downright impossible. So, take a moment to think about this next statement. Who we are under pressure reveals who we really are.  Who are you???  

Anxiety and Stress is a constant work in progress for me.  That is my “status update”!

Stress is an epidemic in this society!

How do you prevent the silent killer? Stress is an epidemic in this society.  In prior blog posts I outlined exactly how my nervous breakdown happened if you have not read those entries I encourage you do so.  I want to share now what I’m doing to prevent stress from creeping back into my life.  First and foremost I sought God.  Second, I educated myself on the signs and symptoms and cure.  I took control back over my life.  I was not going to let stress control me.  The first book I read to help outline the changes I need in my life was “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life”. It gave me a great perspective on what I needed to relinquish control on and give up.  For me it was control of every situation and always striving for more in every aspect in my life that got me into my mess.  Not trusting others to help, which meant I had to take on more.  I went through every aspect of my life and cut out everything that was NOT necessary. I defined my role as a sales manager, photographer, wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter and most importantly a Christian and cut out EVERYTHING that was outside of my duties as those listed.  I encourage you to do that…define your roles in life and stay within it. I’m happy to report that setting boundaries and staying within my defined roles has worked out perfectly!!! Other stress reducers for me became putting exercise as a priority, cutting out caffeine, and spiritual meditation. I also saw a qualified Christian counselor for 5 weeks. 

I do hope for a day that I can be off my medication and with God on my side I’m confident that day will come.  My goal of this blog is to raise awareness of the severity of stress and the stronghold it can have on your life if you let it. We all have weakness, struggles, issues and trials in fact it’s the only way Satin can do his work on this earth.  When you realize that…it makes you understand why bad things happen to good people. 

Bad circumstances may be used by God to display His power and grace.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. ⁹ But he said to me “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me
2 Corinthians 12:8–10

I’m boasting about my weaknesses so you can see God's amazing Glory!!!

Prevent Stress-We all can do a better job at it.

Sleepless nights, racing thoughts, trouble concentrating, headaches or worse, migraines and the need for caffeine to “pick me up”?  For me that is where it began. Those were my warning signs that I ignored for several years.  Knowing what I know now…I believe I could have saved myself from the total nervous breakdown that I experienced. However, as odd as it sounds I’m thankful for it, because God has given me a platform to share my triumph over anxiety through his grace via the web. As it stands today over 1,000 people have viewed this blog, my prayers have been answered, the word is being spread and it’s all through him!!! I am truly humbled and honored that so many of you have shared your stories, and support through this blog! There truly is not much out there about anxiety and stress.  It’s almost as if stress is just accepted and a normal part of life.  If you’re not stressed then you must not be important…Right?  We have “become humans that run at supersonic jet speed, but we were built for camel speed” as Dr. A Hart puts it. Here’s the deal…stress is going to happen, even in the bible we hear Job call out from stress “The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me." (Job 30:27). So I’m not being impractical by claiming that I’m completely saved from anxiety and stress.  However, I am choosing to deal with it differently now. Life is about choices…you can choose to believe in GOD or choose not to.  You can choose to believe you can get through your anxiety or believe you’re doomed for life.  Isn’t it funny that some of the best modern day quotes can be found deeply rooted in the bible, for example everyone has heard “you are what you think you are” the bible says in proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Or I know you have heard this one “don’t go to bed angry” Ephesians 4:25-26 says “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger.” I was floored when I found out the bible said “NOT TO GO TO BED ANGRY.” Gives you a whole new look on how current the bible really can be in our lives today.  So it’s about choices…when I began to really search for answers and truth about my anxiety…many answers were found in the word of God. Tonight I give you a challenge, choose to deal with your struggles differently. Change your thoughts, believe in your hearts you can change and heal. Here is another quote everyone has heard “knowledge is power” well again that is found in the bible “A wise man has great power, and a man of knowledge increases strength” proverbs 24:5.  Educate yourself, learn about stress and do your best to prevent it.

Do you know the warning signs of stress and anxiety? Part Six

Even though I was not exactly cured from anxiety, I felt empowered. I gave the anxiety over to the Lord and sought wisdom and because of that I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel. For those that have experienced this at any degree you know how scary and debilitating it can be…but please hang on!!! If Jesus can heal the blind, make a cripple walk, and feed 5,000 out of one meal then he can certainly heal your anxiety.  Please do not take that the wrong way, you may still need the help of a knowledgeable doctor, counselor, tremendous lifestyle changes and medication (I DID) and you must know that is OK! The book “The Anxiety Cure” helped me enormously.  It gives a very clinical and spiritual take on anxiety and it JUST MADE SENSE for me.  

How I understand Anxiety

Dr. A Hart in “The Anxiety Cure” has a great way to explain what happens in your brain when anxiety occurs.  You have happy and sad messengers.  The happy messengers are responsible for serotonin and the sad messengers are responsible for a chemical much like adrenalin.  It’s a balancing act…if you have too much of one or the other you have problems.  In my case I had depleted too many of my happy messengers which made my sad messengers go into over drive, which caused the intense anxiety/panic attacks.  Because I had done extensive damage already to my happy messengers by years of stress I absolutely needed the medicine to restore the chemistry back in my brain and still do.  The warning signs were there for years.  That’s why this blog is so important to me…it’s about spreading the word!! It’s about slowing down, it’s about taking care of yourself so that you can be the best employee, mom, dad, wife, husband, sister, brother, Christian you can be. Somewhere in the middle of all this we have become a society that cared more about how hard we work and how many hours we put in per day. Your worth should not be determined from the amount of hours you put in each day…it should be determined by the quality and performance you show in your allocated 8 hour work day.  Whatever happened to the “EIGHT” hour work day? Now the days are 10-12 hour work days and we take work home on the weekends. Some of that pressure is induced from managers/bosses and some just simply induced by ourselves.  In my case it was absolutely me.  My type A personality traits took over and very bad habits started to take form.  I was “on” all the time and never unplugged from work. If that was not bad enough I started several side businesses as well. When is enough, enough?  When do we become happy with our success?  Once we reach a certain annual income, once we start a business, once we reach a certain square footage of a home we own, once we drive our dream car, when is it enough? My point is we always want more. For me it was success within my career, I always had to take on more which somehow meant I was a superhero, which was so far from the truth. This often meant I did not have time to exercise, was not truly present for my family and never had time for a haircut.  I was never busy enough. I always had to do more. 

 Every one experiences stress and anxiety differently, however it may manifest for you it’s important that you understand the signs. Do you know the warning signs of stress??? Quite simply put these warning signs are the smoke alarm before the fire.  Don’t let your smoke alarm go off…

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalms 46:10

Have you ever thought “why me”-Part Five

Have you ever thought “Why is this happening to me?” (“Why can’t I have kids?”, “Why is my mom dying of cancer?”, “Why is my husband so abusive to me?”, “Why is my boss such a jerk?”, “Why can’t I pay my bills?”).  The list could go on and on.  I thought that several times when I was having back-to-back panic attacks…we all have those moments in our life where we say “why me!” We have several ways to deal with those moments. Use my story as an example.  I could have chosen to fight this pain, anxiety, fear, and heartache on my own…and did for several days…and it got me NO WHERE, but once I turned it over to the big man upstairs my story started to turn. How do you “turn it over to God”, I will tell you. Change your thoughts and believe in your heart…that GOD is on your side fighting. Believe your prayers…pray with confidence. Refuse to accept bad news.  Find the Glory in EVERY situation, his Glory! “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours” Mark 11:24. All you have to do is believe!!! I think that’s a Whitney Houston song…LOL.  God uses trials in our life to help us grow with him, if we choose to let him.  We all have a choice…what do you choose to do with your next trial???

My trial was Anxiety…and I chose to educate myself and not give into the pain.  More on what I learned to come…

The call that changed my life-Part four of my anxiety story

I woke up on Saturday February 26^th not knowing that I would make a call that would change my life! I heard my 14 month old son crying around 7am, thankfully my mother was still staying with us to care for the boys because the sound of him crying sent my anxiety to a 6 on the scale.  I literally could not focus on anything but myself throughout all of this.  It was the one time in my life I HAD to be selfish. I did what seemed to be my normal routine of pacing my bedroom back and forth for several hours while praying on and off. Around 10:30am I checked my facebook account and saw that I had received a message back from Kristina Baum (the person GOD told me to call), her message said to call her! I picked up the phone and called her immediately.  Remember I had not spoken to her in over 7 years!!! I knew Kristina from college we were Delta Gamma Sisters!!  We only went to school together for a little over a year. I knew she was a strong Christian and a beautiful person, but that’s about all I knew about her since college. She answered the phone and proceeds to tell me that she had been through this exact thing…major panic and anxiety attacks.  Our stories mirrored each other uncannily. She was such an inspiration to me of someone who conquered anxiety and had “been there and done that”. Her WISDOM just spilled out over me…I even took notes!!! The wisdom Troy and I had prayed for was here!!! She told me to read a book called “The Anxiety Cure” by Dr. A Hart, to seek a good Christian counselor, to surround myself with people that understand me right now, to keep praying, and lastly she prayed over me. It was a very powerful conversation that meant and still means so much to me. It felt as though we were the best of friends and had known each other for life.  True Christianity is so pure and loving that if feels like family! God is our father, we are all brothers and sisters and we are to love each other that way.  I always knew that, but never really understood it!! Kristina you were my answered prayer that day, my miracle and I’m so thankful for you!

I read the book “The Anxiety Cure” in four hours! It rocked my world! It shed so much light on anxiety, medicine, and how I got where I was.  In the following days I began to regain control of my anxiety and my life!  My slate was wiped clean, I began a fresh start.

 ¹³ When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you^[a] alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, ¹⁴ having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. ¹⁵ And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.^[b] Colossians 2:13-15 

In the next blog I will explain what I did to that reduced anxiety in my life.  Stay tuned!!!

Three miracles (The anxiety starts to lose its foothold)-Part Three

I woke up on the morning of Thursday February 24^th feeling like I had had just won a small victory! I got some rest, something as simple as sleep was something I was so thankful for! Unfortunately it did not take long and the anxiety set in again.  Around 8:15am I took what the doc prescribed for me; Celexa the antidepressant and BusPar which is a milder tranquilizer.  I had Xanax as well but was to only take it if I felt the anxiety was so bad that I would need to go back to the hospital. These medicines did NOT make sense to me. I did not understand what they were doing in my body to help me and they were making me much more anxious.  I DID NOT want to take them. At this point I started rating my anxiety on a scale, 1 being manageable to 10 being I need to go to the hospital.  The whole day it went up and down from 1-8.  Eating was something I could not do either…over the past few days I had lost 8 pounds.  However this day…I was able to eat some vanilla pudding. As the anxiety increased throughout the day the only thing that helped was prayer! I reached out to several friends throughout the day that stopped whatever they were doing and prayed for me.  Jake was one of those friends.  He prayed a very strong prayer over me after which I was able to take a small nap. At one point in the day I took a home decor cross off my bedroom wall that my long time dear friend Crystal gave to me and held it in my arms.  I was willing to do anything to be closer to GOD.  The night ended with prayer and much anxiety.

The miracles start!

Friday February 25^th

I woke up anxious again…rating about 3.  I took my meds and realized I wanted to know more about these meds.  As I have stated before…don’t Google things you want to know about your health! There is always more BAD info then good.  I read every negative side effect known to man about the meds I had been taking and instantly spiraled into a BAD attack. I sent a prayer up to God again…”Please please please GOD give me wisdom; send me a sign or something so I know this is going to end soon”! I reached out to a woman that I barely knew from my church (Element in Wentzville).  I left a desperate plea on her voicemail stating I need prayer.  She called me back and we talked for almost an hour.  Her non-judging love and prayer was so touching.  She also put in a prayer request for me to the church, but I needed more…again prayer was the ONLY thing that was helping me calm.  I called Amy’s mom Kim, she is a very godly woman and her prayers always feel like they are in direct line with God.  She was very comforting and truly helped me get through this difficult part of the day.  As if that were not enough I reached out to Troy’s preacher Terry from his hometown of Hatton.  No one closer to God then a preacher…right?? He prayed over me as well. 

First Miracle-Terry the preacher from Hatton gave me some spiritual and health advice. He also sent me a link by email of some docs in the area that deal with these types of stress and anxiety related issues. Amazingly two links showed up on his end of the email that Terry had never seen before.  He saw them attached in the email just before he hit the send button.  One was entitled “meditation” and one was entitled “untitled document” I came to later find out that all the signs were pointing to spending more time with GOD and GOD was trying to tell me that meditation was what I needed to help relieve stress and become closer to him.  What a cool way God spoke to me!! The untitled document still to this day says nothing on it.  But I kept it and every once in a while open it just to see if it says something on it.  J

Second miracle-Later that day I was pacing the bathroom again feeling “simply crazy”. Anxiety hit about a 7 or 8.  Then suddenly I had a voice speak to me.  This is NOT a joke.  Now…I know I just finished a sentence that said I was feeling “simply crazy” but this voice was a REAL VOICE and it said “Call Kristina Baum”.  I thought to myself “who said that” I looked around, no one was there! I had a conversation out loud back and I said “I’m not calling her…I have not talked to her in over 7 years”.  Then I thought to myself “besides what would I say…she will think I’m crazy, I can’t do that”.  Then I felt this strong feeling not a voice this time “call Kristina Baum”.  WOW!!! What was this…I was not sure…but I knew I needed to listen.  So I said “ok fine…I will Facebook her!!!” I don’t even remember what I wrote…but I basically just told her a brief description of what I had been through.  You won’t believe what happened on Saturday!!! God is so cool!

Third Miracle-My husband came home around 5:30pm and I fell into his arms again.  I told him my fears about taking the medicine.  We agreed that I needed to call my doc and ask some questions, so I did.  I felt bad because it was after hours and I could have called him during normal business hours but of course I didn’t.  A few hours passed and I was beginning to feel upset that the doc did not call me back…however it truly was NOT an emergency so why should he? Troy and I prayed again about the meds and as we were praying the doc called!!!! He graciously, afterhours gave me a way better understanding of the meds and reassured me that I needed the meds and that I would be feeling much better soon!

That night I was able to eat a “you pick two” from bread company for dinner and fell asleep around 11pm.  Before I feel asleep I started to realize that I needed people! I was one that everyone leaned on, but now the roles were tremendously reversed. God puts people in your life for a reason…we were NOT meant to go at this world alone. This explains it well “After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go.” Luke 10:1

The second miracle continues on Saturday morning….

Part two of my anxiety story...my husband takes authority over the situation

 As I walked out of the doctor’s office wondering..."What now"...I knew I needed changes in my life but had not the slightest idea of how to start!!!The tingling, shortness of breath and heart pounding did NOT let up.  I was dressed for work and thought I needed to get back to work.  Remember...I had just come back from vacation and the work was piling up.  I could not clear my mind enough to focus on driving...much less WORK!! I put together enough strength to drive to work to tell my boss I needed to take some time off...but I stopped at 3 gas stations on the way to throw up and regain "somewhat control".  I am still thankful to God for such an amazing boss who cares...he told me “go get better and not to worry about work"! Amen!!!

The drive home from the talk with my boss was worse than the drive to work!!! I must have stopped at 5-6 gas stations...plus a Hardee's.  The fast food workers definitely though I was crazy walking in and out almost 20 times. I finally got home and the thought crossed my mind with all this fear, stress and anxiety, I did not once stop to pray!! Isn't it funny, that in our times of extreme need we still don't think to call on the creator of the universe for help? I half-heartedly prayed for the first time around 3:41pm on Feb 23rd.  I started to read the book "Fearless" by Max Lucado (a dear friend of mine told me to read) hoping it would shed some light on this situation I was facing. The seriousness of this situation started to take hold and my family and friends began to pray and comfort me, which was SUCH a blessing.  My mother was taking care of my two boys, while my husband was at work. I was in complete isolation... I had locked myself in my room and could not come out!!!  I felt truly "out of my mind, and body". All the things I had SO MUCH control over and considered myself "good" at...I was completely incapable of doing! The panic, heart pounding, shortness of breath, and pacing continued.

The next part of this story is disturbing...but truly needs to be said because it shows the "TRUE" feelings I had in the heat of my anxiety story. My husband keeps hunting guns in our bedroom...unloaded, with trigger locks and safe of course.  I normally don't even notice them or care that they’re in our bedroom...however this time they became a sign of "what if".  I was in such a state of pain and confusion the "idea" of using the guns or the "thought" of them being in the bedroom made me even more anxious.  It's not even that I would EVER use them...I just did not trust myself with them out in the open.  I stood up and covered them with blankets and made myself promise I would not give them another thought!!! My husband came home from work and I fell into his arms crying uncontrollably...telling him how hard of a day it was and that I was so glad he was home. He paced our bedroom with me arm and arm for over 45 minutes. I cried this to him;

" I just don't understand, why is this happening to me!!! I'm scared to take the medicine, I'm scared to leave my room, I'm just SCARED". 

 He held me tight and told me "we are going to get through this together".  This was about 5:30pm.  About 9pm it started to spiral out of control again...but this time I was so weak that I felt like I was going to pass out. It was like I was a runner that just completed the Marathon but was told I needed to run the Marathon again. I would have a slight victory of calmness and then the anxiety would start all over again. I felt like I was fighting for my life...it sounds dramatic but that's the way it felt.  I had not slept in almost 4 days!!!! 

I had spoken to a dear friend named Jill (who had been through this before) earlier that day...and she told me "it might get worse before it gets better".  I thought to myself..."you got to be kidding...I can't imagine it much worse than this!!!" As I replayed that thought in my head...I knew I needed to fight through this next attack.  I called upon another dear friend Amy.  I explained that the attack was getting bad again and that I needed her help!!! She dropped everything and ran up to my house and played Christian music loud and clear while I breathed deep into a fan in the fetal position. The song "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns was first on her playlist...how PERFECT!!! The words that hit home said something like this;

"I was sure by now, God you would have reached down and wiped my tears away...stepped in and saved the day...but once again...I say Amen and it’s still raining (anxiety is still here)!!! But I will praise you in this storm; I will lift my hands, for you are who you are no matter where I am. Every tear I have cried you hold in your hands, you never left my side and though my heart is torn...I will praise you in this storm"!!!

It hit me...I’m going through this "STORM" for a reason...but why???

Although the music helped...around 10:10pm it got REALLY BAD. Amy excused herself and my husband came to my rescue he pulled me close into his arms and said "LETS PRAY"!!! Troy prayed this

"God I take authority over this situation.  We rebuke what is happening to Christy right now...and do NOT accept it.  We ask for WISDOM (key word in this prayer) as soon as possible so we can begin to understand what is happening to her.  Please allow her to rest this evening, and for her body to calm.  In your name we pray...AMEN"!

It was powerful!!! We completely and utterly in that moment gave this whole situation over to GOD!  I stayed in touch with God the entire night...anytime I felt the tingling or shortness of breath...I said a prayer...out loud!!! God answered our prayer...I feel asleep for the first time in 4 days. You think that is cool...wait till you hear what GOD does next...little did I know the next 24hours GOD would perform 3 small miracles!!! 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.


 Disclaimer-I am not a writer and don't claim to be :) Please excuse my grammatical errors.  This is my story that I feel compelled to share in hopes to shed some light for others that have suffered or are suffering now.

The Anxiety Revolution-We were built for camel speed!

Have you ever felt this?
It was Feb 16th 2011, I was sipping a fruity drink on the beaches of Cancun when literally out of no where I was hit with the feeling "I need to get out of here NOW!!!" I put my People magazine down and began to pace the pool deck... then I started getting short of breath, my heart was pounding, and it began harder and harder to catch my breath.  I had NO IDEA what was going on!!! I excused my self and walked up to my hotel room...I was confused, disoriented and scared! My stomach hurt and I could not decide if I needed to throw up or poop!!! I did both!!! I then walked out of my hotel room and began to pace the floors of the hotel, I kept thinking "what is wrong with me"!!! I passed the maid almost 30 times...I know she thought I was crazy!!! Then I walked back into my room, I remember I had packed a powerful fan, I put the fan to my face..it literally touched my nose and put it on HIGH... as the air hit my face I began to catch my breath.  Still feeling out of sorts...I walked back down to the pool deck to get my husband...I explained to him what was happening to me...we both chalked it up to "that's weired", "maybe its a reaction to the water or food". "O'well at least it didn't last that long!!!"

Feb 21st 2011-
I began to feel sever tingling in my right arm and leg around 10pm...it was hard to move them.  I had gone to the doctor a few days prior to discuss migraine headaches.  Well...I had a slight headache...I was told to take the migraine medicine if my headache was REALLY bad...what I was confused about was my headache was not that bad...but my tingling and lack of feeling in my right side of my body was REALLY bad!!! I did what I absolutely do NOT recommend...I "googled" my symptoms!!! I came across the reporter who had just had a migraine on the air and had the very same symptoms as me...I decided that I "must be having a migraine" so I took the medicine. But my symptoms got worse!!! I paced my bathroom, living room, basement for hours!!! With no relief.  The tingling never went away. I called my PCP around 6am.  He instructed me to go to the hospital.  I did!!! They treated me for migraines, and preformed an MRI.  Everything checked out fine...but I still could not sit still.  I asked the hospital doc if he could give me something so I could relax.  He gave me some Xanax and I went home.  From 11 am to 3:30 pm, I was "OUT OF MY MIND".  My husband felt as though something had taken over my body.  I simply COULD NOT RELAX.  Nothing seemed to help!!! As soon as I would begin to calm...it would spike back out of control again. I did not know what to do!! I had NEVER in my life experienced anything like this before!!

Feb 23rd
I manged to get ready for work and make it to my follow up appointment with my PCP.  As I paid my co-pay I began to feel the shortness of breath, tingling and the feeling of "wanting to get the heck out of here". It took all I had to sit and get my temp and blood pressure taken...I just wanted to pace the hallways.  Finally the doc came in,. We discussed my symptoms and hospital visit and he diagnosed me with "severe anxiety disorder!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!Not me...I'm always in control... I had never heard of such a thing...he wanted to put me on depression medicine and told me to stop drinking coffee-as I paced the exam room with a huge 160z cup of it!!! "But I'm not depressed"...the rest of what he said was just a blur I saw his lips moving but I did not comprehend anything...and in that moment I began my journey of "understanding anxiety" the rest of my story is amazing and nothing short of a miracle!!! I look forward to you following this story on my blog please share it with all you know that suffer from this same issue! Through God's amazing grace and love we can all be cured of stress and anxiety. 
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication (to ask for) with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" Philippians 4:6