I woke up on the morning of Thursday February 24th feeling like I had had just won a small victory! I got some rest, something as simple as sleep was something I was so thankful for! Unfortunately it did not take long and the anxiety set in again. Around 8:15am I took what the doc prescribed for me; Celexa the antidepressant and BusPar which is a milder tranquilizer. I had Xanax as well but was to only take it if I felt the anxiety was so bad that I would need to go back to the hospital. These medicines did NOT make sense to me. I did not understand what they were doing in my body to help me and they were making me much more anxious. I DID NOT want to take them. At this point I started rating my anxiety on a scale, 1 being manageable to 10 being I need to go to the hospital. The whole day it went up and down from 1-8. Eating was something I could not do either…over the past few days I had lost 8 pounds. However this day…I was able to eat some vanilla pudding. As the anxiety increased throughout the day the only thing that helped was prayer! I reached out to several friends throughout the day that stopped whatever they were doing and prayed for me. Jake was one of those friends. He prayed a very strong prayer over me after which I was able to take a small nap. At one point in the day I took a home decor cross off my bedroom wall that my long time dear friend Crystal gave to me and held it in my arms. I was willing to do anything to be closer to GOD. The night ended with prayer and much anxiety.
The miracles start!
Friday February 25th
I woke up anxious again…rating about 3. I took my meds and realized I wanted to know more about these meds. As I have stated before…don’t Google things you want to know about your health! There is always more BAD info then good. I read every negative side effect known to man about the meds I had been taking and instantly spiraled into a BAD attack. I sent a prayer up to God again…”Please please please GOD give me wisdom; send me a sign or something so I know this is going to end soon”! I reached out to a woman that I barely knew from my church (Element in Wentzville). I left a desperate plea on her voicemail stating I need prayer. She called me back and we talked for almost an hour. Her non-judging love and prayer was so touching. She also put in a prayer request for me to the church, but I needed more…again prayer was the ONLY thing that was helping me calm. I called Amy’s mom Kim, she is a very godly woman and her prayers always feel like they are in direct line with God. She was very comforting and truly helped me get through this difficult part of the day. As if that were not enough I reached out to Troy’s preacher Terry from his hometown of Hatton. No one closer to God then a preacher…right?? He prayed over me as well.
First Miracle-Terry the preacher from Hatton gave me some spiritual and health advice. He also sent me a link by email of some docs in the area that deal with these types of stress and anxiety related issues. Amazingly two links showed up on his end of the email that Terry had never seen before. He saw them attached in the email just before he hit the send button. One was entitled “meditation” and one was entitled “untitled document” I came to later find out that all the signs were pointing to spending more time with GOD and GOD was trying to tell me that meditation was what I needed to help relieve stress and become closer to him. What a cool way God spoke to me!! The untitled document still to this day says nothing on it. But I kept it and every once in a while open it just to see if it says something on it. J
Second miracle-Later that day I was pacing the bathroom again feeling “simply crazy”. Anxiety hit about a 7 or 8. Then suddenly I had a voice speak to me. This is NOT a joke. Now…I know I just finished a sentence that said I was feeling “simply crazy” but this voice was a REAL VOICE and it said “Call Kristina Baum”. I thought to myself “who said that” I looked around, no one was there! I had a conversation out loud back and I said “I’m not calling her…I have not talked to her in over 7 years”. Then I thought to myself “besides what would I say…she will think I’m crazy, I can’t do that”. Then I felt this strong feeling not a voice this time “call Kristina Baum”. WOW!!! What was this…I was not sure…but I knew I needed to listen. So I said “ok fine…I will Facebook her!!!” I don’t even remember what I wrote…but I basically just told her a brief description of what I had been through. You won’t believe what happened on Saturday!!! God is so cool!
Third Miracle-My husband came home around 5:30pm and I fell into his arms again. I told him my fears about taking the medicine. We agreed that I needed to call my doc and ask some questions, so I did. I felt bad because it was after hours and I could have called him during normal business hours but of course I didn’t. A few hours passed and I was beginning to feel upset that the doc did not call me back…however it truly was NOT an emergency so why should he? Troy and I prayed again about the meds and as we were praying the doc called!!!! He graciously, afterhours gave me a way better understanding of the meds and reassured me that I needed the meds and that I would be feeling much better soon!
That night I was able to eat a “you pick two” from bread company for dinner and fell asleep around 11pm. Before I feel asleep I started to realize that I needed people! I was one that everyone leaned on, but now the roles were tremendously reversed. God puts people in your life for a reason…we were NOT meant to go at this world alone. This explains it well “After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go.” Luke 10:1
The second miracle continues on Saturday morning….
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