Part two of my anxiety story...my husband takes authority over the situation

 As I walked out of the doctor’s office wondering..."What now"...I knew I needed changes in my life but had not the slightest idea of how to start!!!The tingling, shortness of breath and heart pounding did NOT let up.  I was dressed for work and thought I needed to get back to work.  Remember...I had just come back from vacation and the work was piling up.  I could not clear my mind enough to focus on driving...much less WORK!! I put together enough strength to drive to work to tell my boss I needed to take some time off...but I stopped at 3 gas stations on the way to throw up and regain "somewhat control".  I am still thankful to God for such an amazing boss who cares...he told me “go get better and not to worry about work"! Amen!!!

The drive home from the talk with my boss was worse than the drive to work!!! I must have stopped at 5-6 gas stations...plus a Hardee's.  The fast food workers definitely though I was crazy walking in and out almost 20 times. I finally got home and the thought crossed my mind with all this fear, stress and anxiety, I did not once stop to pray!! Isn't it funny, that in our times of extreme need we still don't think to call on the creator of the universe for help? I half-heartedly prayed for the first time around 3:41pm on Feb 23rd.  I started to read the book "Fearless" by Max Lucado (a dear friend of mine told me to read) hoping it would shed some light on this situation I was facing. The seriousness of this situation started to take hold and my family and friends began to pray and comfort me, which was SUCH a blessing.  My mother was taking care of my two boys, while my husband was at work. I was in complete isolation... I had locked myself in my room and could not come out!!!  I felt truly "out of my mind, and body". All the things I had SO MUCH control over and considered myself "good" at...I was completely incapable of doing! The panic, heart pounding, shortness of breath, and pacing continued.

The next part of this story is disturbing...but truly needs to be said because it shows the "TRUE" feelings I had in the heat of my anxiety story. My husband keeps hunting guns in our bedroom...unloaded, with trigger locks and safe of course.  I normally don't even notice them or care that they’re in our bedroom...however this time they became a sign of "what if".  I was in such a state of pain and confusion the "idea" of using the guns or the "thought" of them being in the bedroom made me even more anxious.  It's not even that I would EVER use them...I just did not trust myself with them out in the open.  I stood up and covered them with blankets and made myself promise I would not give them another thought!!! My husband came home from work and I fell into his arms crying uncontrollably...telling him how hard of a day it was and that I was so glad he was home. He paced our bedroom with me arm and arm for over 45 minutes. I cried this to him;

" I just don't understand, why is this happening to me!!! I'm scared to take the medicine, I'm scared to leave my room, I'm just SCARED". 

 He held me tight and told me "we are going to get through this together".  This was about 5:30pm.  About 9pm it started to spiral out of control again...but this time I was so weak that I felt like I was going to pass out. It was like I was a runner that just completed the Marathon but was told I needed to run the Marathon again. I would have a slight victory of calmness and then the anxiety would start all over again. I felt like I was fighting for my life...it sounds dramatic but that's the way it felt.  I had not slept in almost 4 days!!!! 

I had spoken to a dear friend named Jill (who had been through this before) earlier that day...and she told me "it might get worse before it gets better".  I thought to myself..."you got to be kidding...I can't imagine it much worse than this!!!" As I replayed that thought in my head...I knew I needed to fight through this next attack.  I called upon another dear friend Amy.  I explained that the attack was getting bad again and that I needed her help!!! She dropped everything and ran up to my house and played Christian music loud and clear while I breathed deep into a fan in the fetal position. The song "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns was first on her playlist...how PERFECT!!! The words that hit home said something like this;

"I was sure by now, God you would have reached down and wiped my tears away...stepped in and saved the day...but once again...I say Amen and it’s still raining (anxiety is still here)!!! But I will praise you in this storm; I will lift my hands, for you are who you are no matter where I am. Every tear I have cried you hold in your hands, you never left my side and though my heart is torn...I will praise you in this storm"!!!

It hit me...I’m going through this "STORM" for a reason...but why???

Although the music helped...around 10:10pm it got REALLY BAD. Amy excused herself and my husband came to my rescue he pulled me close into his arms and said "LETS PRAY"!!! Troy prayed this

"God I take authority over this situation.  We rebuke what is happening to Christy right now...and do NOT accept it.  We ask for WISDOM (key word in this prayer) as soon as possible so we can begin to understand what is happening to her.  Please allow her to rest this evening, and for her body to calm.  In your name we pray...AMEN"!

It was powerful!!! We completely and utterly in that moment gave this whole situation over to GOD!  I stayed in touch with God the entire night...anytime I felt the tingling or shortness of breath...I said a prayer...out loud!!! God answered our prayer...I feel asleep for the first time in 4 days. You think that is cool...wait till you hear what GOD does next...little did I know the next 24hours GOD would perform 3 small miracles!!! 

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.


 Disclaimer-I am not a writer and don't claim to be :) Please excuse my grammatical errors.  This is my story that I feel compelled to share in hopes to shed some light for others that have suffered or are suffering now.