I’m Taking a Leap of Faith

I just recently told my employer of eight years that I’m going to resign to be a caretaker and supporter to my incredible husband and beautiful boys.  It was July 11^th , 9:30 am to be exact, as I was driving in to the office to let my bosses know my decision.  During the drive in, many thoughts and feelings were rushing through my head and body.  I was anxious, nervous, sick to my stomach, and scared.  

I had a flashback to about a year ago when I heard from the Lord.  I was having a panic attack that day about the demands of life in general; being a working mom, trying to care for my children and trying to balance it all.  I wept on my bed and prayed to God “What do I do?  Why is this happening to me?  How do I do this all?  Then I heard Him say, “Give up control”.   When I heard Him say that to me, I did not know what it meant then, but it has stuck with me ever since.  Over the past few months, I have felt more and more that God is pulling me out of my career as a medical sales rep and manager into something new.  The something new is very unclear, although I know that it’s primarily to be a caretaker and supporter for my family.   I do believe, however, that He has something MORE planned for me.

I began my career as a selfish woman who was apathetic toward God.  I did everything in my own strength and nothing in His.  My job was more important than my family and God.  I became stressed out, anxious and it continued like that for many years.  God allowed me to break, and I suffered a severe nervous breakdown in February of 2011.  God used that trial in me to build character and mold me into a more Christ-like person of which I’m forever grateful for.  

I learned many things in that trial with one of the most important things being; the Bible is a road map for success.  Not only that, it’s our protection and weapons against evil.  You have heard it said, “Knowledge is power”.  In Hosea 4:6 it says, “My people perish for lack of knowledge”.  The biggest thing I “lacked knowledge” in was not putting God first in my life.  That is His greatest commandment; Jesus tells us that in Matthew 22:37, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”  This means your family is not first, your job is not first, your money is not first, YOUR life is not first…JESUS is first.  Once I finally “knew” that, (really understood it), I decided to make Jesus first in my life, became born again and had the awesome experience of being water baptized. From that day forward, my sins were wiped clean and my heart was new. 

So with a new heart and a new direction, I started feeling the tugs on my heart to move on from the old life, which meant giving up my career.  I knew it was what God was asking me to do and I had a deep peace about it.  However, on the surface, I was a mess.  I thought “How am I going to be a full time stay-at-home mom?  I’m going to go crazy!  How are we going to pay all our bills?  Why would God have me waste all my hard earned education on being a stay-at-home mom?” It went on and on and on!  The thoughts never let up.  Those thoughts were in FULL FORCE on the drive in to tell my bosses that I need to resign.  I wanted to chicken out, turn my van around and forget the whole thing.  Then I said a prayer. “God please help me!  I don’t want to do this!  Can you please give me another sign that this is what you are calling me to do?”  Just then, a song I have never heard before came on JOY FM , by Francesca Battistelli. The words to this song sent me into instant peace and joy.  They went like this:

“My heart beats standing on the edge
My feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobat, there is no turning back

I’m letting go of life I planned for me and my dreams
I’m losing control of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So, I’m letting go.

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown, beyond my comfort zone”.

I heard the music differently than ever before.  It came over my speaker system amplified, almost as if God was magnifying it for me to hear it, receive it and know it was from Him.  It was all true!  I was letting go of the plan I have for me and my dreams.  So, with my heart beating out of my chest, I did it.  I jumped off the ledge, took the giant leap of faith, and told my bosses I needed to resign. 

So what did the Lord mean that day He told me, “Give up control”?  Today I know exactly what it means.   Jesus explains it in Matthew 16:24-27. We are to lay down our own lives, our own desires, and live according to His will.  We are to be led by the Holy Spirit, and wake up each and every day surrendered to Him.  I finally did that on July 11, 2012, and it officially marks the new journey of complete and total surrender.