The road ahead

A very cool thing happened to me on Saturday May 12th during my jog.  Normally a jog is really good for clearing my head and freeing myself of the normal stresses I face every day.  However, this time my mind was very fixated on things going on in my life. I was "bad" day dreaming about things...my thoughts were NOT good. They were stressful thoughts. I was about a mile into my jog when I started to see flutters in the road way ahead of me. Almost like random wings flapping in the top right, middle and top left of my viewing angle.
 

(I stopped to take a photo while I was running because I knew I wanted to write about this. I photoshopped the "wings" into the road ahead to try and explain what I saw.)

I know that sounds creepy (and it kind of was) but the only thing I could think of was I was starting to see auras...those  happen before a migraine.  I thought "oh great...here comes a migraine".  Then I really thought about it again and it did not feel like a migraine was coming on. Normally when I get a migraine I see black fuzzy dots, so I started to feel like I needed to look just ahead of me at the white painted line on the side of the road instead of WAY ahead of me like the above photo.  

I couldn't see the wings flapping in my view anymore??? HUH??? What the heck was that?? I looked WAY ahead again...there they were!!! Looked down at the road just ahead of me at the white line and they were gone!!! I thought "could that be Jesus telling me something"? So just at that moment I said out loud "Jesus you lead, I will follow.  With every step I take I will follow you and only you. I promise NOT to look ahead and worry about things.  I will just follow you"!! After saying that out loud a HUGE eagle soared directly over me about 10 feet above and chills swept over my entire body!!!!!!!  As I watched that beautiful eagle fly away...I knew I had just been taught an important lesson. 

Looking ahead and stressing about life causes confusion and chaos.  Much like those wild flapping wings I saw in my vision while running.  But, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus and following RIGHT behind him keeps my path straight and safe. That will keep me soaring to great heights like the eagle that passed above me.

I'm going to keep this prayer photo some where in my house to be my constant reminder of how God taught me this important lesson.

It's been a long time coming

Have you ever deep down inside known that GOD was telling you to do something?? We often refer to those as "gut feelings" We as humans do a fantastic job of not listening to our "gut feelings" It's often because we are afraid, prideful, scared, and are unwilling to give up control. Those "gut feelings" are often uncomfortable because God may be asking you to do something that you don't want to do.  In my case, God had been asking me to "give up control" for almost 10 months, but I was not ready to do that just yet. One of the many awesome things about God is...he is patient.

In February of 2011 I had a severe nervous breakdown.  It was several weeks of back to back panic attacks. It was the most difficult time of my life.  It was THAT storm that brought me to my knees (literally) asking "God why is this happening to me?".  What I have learned about "storms" in our lives is that God leads us to them and through them. In this way, he can mold us to become stronger, healthier, and more Christ-like people… IF we allow him. Up until that point in my life, I led myself.  I believed in Jesus but I did not let him lead my life. I led my own life and consulted him every now and then.  There is a HUGE difference. There are wonderful Christian’s that will absolutely make it to Heaven but are missing out on "Heaven on Earth" because they are not letting Jesus lead them.  In the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:10) it states "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven”. How cool is that??? You can have heaven on earth!!! God truly wants us to experience that.  We all know that this life is tough, but if you do it properly, God wants you to prosper and fulfill you in ways you have never even imagined! (Jer 29:11). But in order to achieve this...you must "give up control". Surrender your life to him and let HIM lead and you follow.

After my breakdown I returned back to work. I did a lot of soul searching and hours reading and learning about God's word on stress and anxiety.  In everything I read, I found that being anxious and stressed out is exactly opposite of what God wants for your life. I have done and felt exaclty like these ladies in the picture!!! So, I learned about setting boundaries and staying within them.  However, my biggest lesson of surrendering "control" still was not accomplished.  I heard very clearly from God after returning back to work that I needed to let go of my sales management role.  But I just pushed aside that feeling and tried to merge it with my own interpretation of what I thought I needed. I thought "God don't you just mean that I need help with my job duties? If I just get some help, I won’t be as stressed and my life will be so much better?”  So what did I do??? I asked for an administrative assistant.  All the while, I knew deep down that I was not obeying God.  Why did I do that? Because I thought I knew better than God? No, It was because I was scared, and too prideful.  I did not know what would happen if I gave up my position as sales manager. It was the fear of the unknown. I let fear overtake me; fear is paralyzing and will often lead you into a decision that is NOT from God.  Fear comes from the enemy filling your mind with lies; remember fear is not from God. God will leave you with peace and not fear. (John 14:27) 

So many months have passed but last week the feeling of stepping down from the manager role weighed heavier and heavier on my heart.  One night during a workout, I stopped in the middle to pray, this is what I prayed, "God I’m feeling that it’s time for me to give up my management position, will you please give me some clarity to make this decision? I’m feeling God that you will put someone in my life or take someone out of my life in order to help make this decision easier, amen". The very next day my administrative assistant of 9 months resigned. WOW GOD!!!! That was quick!!! That was the "take someone out of my life in order to help make this decision easier", from my prayer.  That day at lunch she looked me in the face and tearfully said she had to move on... I knew I did too!!!! I excused myself from the lunch and went to the car to cry, I turned on Joy FM and the lyrics I heard were "I wave my white flag, I surrender, I surrender ALL to you, ALL to you"!  God gave me a second chance to get it right and this time I’m going to be obedient and give up control fully and surrender it all to him!

To date I did one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I stepped down as sales manager from a job and company that I adore.  ***I am still employed there as a Sales Rep, just no longer managing *** 

My prayer for this blog post is that you find the strength to dig deep and to be obedient to what God is asking of you. After all, Daddy knows best. :)