Healing Power Of God

Shortly before June 4th, 2014 we received the news that Grandpa had a large mass on his lungs and that it was cancer. Prayers and plans began to start beating this terrible disease! However, Grandpa fell sick fast and wound up in the emergency room with a high fever and severe weakness. Tests were run and we found out that he had a huge absess in his lungs creating fluid and infection everywhere, which at this time was unrelated to the cancer. The medical team had to act fast because this was critical and Grandpa was in very bad condition. Like every medical team does, they prepare you for the worst and let you know how serious this is! 

We found out that his esophagus (throat tube leading to the stomach) was damaged from prior radiation treatment (he had throat cancer several years prior) which meant food and liquid was bypassing this tube and going straight into the lungs which is very dangerous! During a test done of his esophagus they found this information out and also said he would probably have to turn his head to the side the rest of his life to even get food to go down properly and that this would be an issue for him moving forward (the rest of his life). However, they had no time to worry about that issue now, they had to get in fast to fix the infection! They also told us it was unlikely they would remove the mass in his lungs, as it would be too dangerous at his critical stage. They let us know that he would be on a ventilator (a machine that breathes for you) in ICU for a long time and this would be a VERY hard road of recovery! Surgery was scheduled first thing the next morning. 

I felt very led to get to the hospital to pray over Grandpa before this surgery, but my sweet son Landon had a fire station party to go to that he was really looking forward to. So I was very conflicted on what to do, as the party could of made me late to the hospital. I prayed that God would allow me not to disappoint Landon but still be there for Grandpa. Well, God provided because the fire  station got called out for a rescue and we got to leave early enough to get to the hospital so I could pray over him!  

As Grandpa prepared for this serious surgery I felt a heavy weight of FEAR for him. I could tell he was trying to be brave, but felt consumed with fear as well. I gave him a cross that said "Believe all things are possible with God." I asked him "do you believe all things are possible with God, Grandpa?" 

He had a tear in his eyes and held on to the cross I just gave him tightly and said "yes, I'm trying real hard to believe that, but I'm scared." Myself, grandma and my mom all joined together in prayer and although I don't remember my exact prayer here is what I do remembering praying;

"Lord thank you that you fight our battles and that you are going to guide the surgeons and give them wisdom on how to fix Grandpa. Please give peace to Grandpa because you did not give us the spirit of fear, but you did give us power, love and sound mind. Calm his mind. (During this prayer I felt God ask me to pray over his esophagus) Lord we ask you to completely heal his esophagus. Thank you that he will come out of this surgery healthier and stronger than he even was before, in your name we pray."   

Then it was time for surgery. The feeling of fear swept over me as well as they wheeled him down the hospital hallway! Now wait a minute, I just thought! I believe God can do the impossible and heal Grandpa completely, so why am I allowing this fear to seep in! I fought my tears and bad negative thoughts back in my mind and chose to believe God's promises! Grandpa WILL be ok, I trust you Lord! 

He held onto that cross the entire way to surgery, it made me so proud of him, it was his declaration that HE BELIEVED ALL THINGS WERE POSSIBLE WITH GOD, they even tried to take it from him because nothing was allowed in the preparation room, but he wouldn't part with it and the sweet nurse allowed it! 

Surgery was long but by the grace of God it was a huge success! The surgeon told Grandma that the infection was one of the worst he had ever seen! However, they got it all and grandpa was doing so well during surgery that they took the cancer from the lung too! The surgeon seemed pretty confident that he got all the cancer to boot! Now the long road to recovery starts. 

The next day I went to the ICU to pray over Grandpa again. Seeing Grandpa on the ventilator unable to breath on his own but being completely aware of his surroundings was one of the hardest things emotionally I have ever experienced. His eyes pierced me with fear again. I felt paralyzed in the moment not knowing what to do for him. I felt helpless! I looked at Grandma and she seemed to feel the same way. I took a moment to pray silently to myself and felt The Lord say to my heart "sing to him".  So I sang "Amazing grace my chains are gone". Suddenly I felt a rush of peace over myself, my grandma, and grandpa. He squeezed my hand with as much strength as he had in the moment and he fell back a sleep! 

Grandpa proceeded to defy all odds with his recovery. They told us he would be in the ICU for at least a month or more and on the ventilator for at least two weeks. He was off the ventilator in less than three days and out of the ICU shortly after that! They did follow-up testing on his esophagus and without any medical intervention on their part his esophagus was completely healed! Food and fluid was passing perfectly through it. He was back in the comfort of his own home gaining his strength back before he was even due to come out of ICU!...AND to top it all off he is completely and totally cancer free! 

And just like my prayer said, he is stronger and healthier than he was before the surgery! 

Praise God! Just believe, all things are possible with God. 

Get your mind off stress

As I was rocking Lila to sleep tonight I hummed her a tune and watched her smile and look around completely carefree! 

I take so much pleasure in those precious moments with her, (and all my kids for that matter) the alone time, where no one is watching, judging, critiquing, or looking over me. It's intimate, loving and sincere. My stress of the day just melts away! Then, I realized those are the exact moments God wants to have with us as well! 

Tonight I got the sense so strongly that if I want to be less stressed then I need to get my focus off my stress! It seems so simple but it's so hard to do. 

Stress is the enemy's way to distract you from God's goodness and faithfulness! It robs you of joy and forces you to waste energy on worry.  

God snapped a picture for me tonight while I was rocking Lila and it would caption like this...

"Child, let me rock you and hum you a tune. Let me hold you and protect you from the world. Let me guide you and love you, so you can sleep tight and rest knowing your safe with me. Do not worry or fear, because I'm always here."

Audio and Video Teachings

I have had the privilege of speaking to the Vibrant Ladies at Element Church on several topics.  Most recently on How to Hear God's Voice. Click on the links below to listen or watch.

How to Hear God's Voice                     Password: Element


This next message is on stress free living.  How to manage you thought life and have victory over stress and anxiety. This one is NOT password protected.

Your Thought Life

Faith Is Foolish

I recently photographed the birth of a baby that did not live very long after she was born.  God placed it on my heart to be there for this sweet family and to capture this precious time for them.  When God called me to do it, I  thought “YES, God…I can’t wait for you to heal this sweet baby and to give you all the glory for the miracle”, I was praying for this since her medical reports did not look good.  I got a group of strong prayer warriors together and we began to pray for God’s healing power and a miracle.  We stood in faith and believed with our whole hearts that this baby would be healed!

Before I continue, I just want to take the time to define faith with God’s word.  We throw that word out in phrases all the time “You got to have faith, Keep your faith, Faith can move mountains, Don’t lose faith.”  Do we really understand what faith is? God says faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen (Hebrews 11).  So myself and these prayer warriors had confidence that what we were hoping and praying for (the healing of this baby) would actually happen! That’s faith!  But if you reason that out, look at the doctor reports, listen to what everyone else is telling you, believing for that miracle looks incredibly foolish! Many times, having faith doesn’t make sense.  It’s a deep trust in God that He is bigger, stronger and wiser than any situation you are facing.  Faith gives us the assurance about things we cannot see (Hebrews 11).   That’s just it; we cannot see faith so that’s what makes it so hard!  In order for us to believe something we have to see it in action!  I mean come on…we live in the “Show Me State”.  But God says again, “By Faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen (Hebrews 11:3).”  So we have to believe first in the things that CANNOT be seen and THEN we will be able to see what we believed for by faith.  So nobody looks at an empty coffee pot and believes for a full pot before it’s ever made, right?  But, Faith asks us to believe for the full pot of coffee before it’s ever even made, which doesn’t make sense! I know that’s a silly example, but it’s a practical way to explain faith.  Lastly, it is impossible to please God without faith!  The entire chapter of Hebrews 11 explains the big shots of the bible, like Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Moses…they ALL had BIG BIG faith.  Because of their faith, they are remembered throughout history for it and made examples of, in order to sharpen our faith. 

Now to touch on the foolishness that you feel when the things you had faith for don’t come to pass. First, that’s the devil trying to tell you “God didn’t come through for you, you look stupid for believing for that miracle” Believe me…this has happened to me several times!  I had BIG BIG faith for certain situations and they just didn’t pan out like what I had faith for! But, the outcome of a situation does not negate the fact that God still asks us to have faith in everything we do! God calls us to have BIG BIG faith, and NOT to doubt!  We are to trust God’s goodness always.  When you fly in an air plane you can see wayyyyy more than what you can see on the ground, think of all the distance you can see from that viewpoint.  Think of how much God can see from his perspective on the throne.  He sees things we just can’t see!  He always knows best!  

I would like to dedicate this blog post to this sweet baby that is in Jesus’s arms today.  The parents had the choice to abort her at 20 weeks, but they gave her a chance at life.  She has taught me more about faith in her short time on earth then anything in my walk so far!  I pray, that her life inspires you to have BIG BIG faith, always!

Fear of an anxiety relapse

It’s been a while since I have updated my blog and I felt it was fitting that I do it, just after an amazing vacation God blessed us with!  You see, my first EVER panic attack happened in Feb of 2011, while I was on a sunny beach vacation. (Here is the link to my story, I shared it live at Element Church last summer http://youtu.be/IhA2uDX6yK0)  I also relapsed again in September of 2012 when we went on another beach vacation (this time it was to photograph a wedding). So… of course when we planned the vacation for this year (leaving at the end of February, 2014) I had a TON of racing thoughts.  You know these thoughts…like…”why would you book this trip, you’re just going to have a ton of panic attacks”, “you will NEVER enjoy this trip”, “you are not going to be able to control your anxiety while you’re out of the country”….so on and so on! I think it’s so important to STOP right there and address these countless racing negative thoughts!  We ALL have them!  Whether you notice them or not, we all have something the passes through our minds at one point in the day, BUT are you aware of them? Maybe it’s the thought when your alarm clock goes off in the morning of “ahhhhh I’m so tired, how I will have the energy to get through the day.” Or “I don’t like that lunch they are serving, what am I going to eat now.” Or sitting in traffic on your way home from work while you’re thinking “I really don’t want to go home to the big pile of dishes, laundry, homework and kids fighting tonight.”  Do you give merit to these thoughts? Do you allow them to set in and “hamster wheel” them (as I like to call them, the running them over and over in your head).  You know when you DO give them merit or let them in…that these thoughts take up precious precious space in your brain.  You do have a choice and that’s to NOT allow negative thoughts to take up space.  Get into the practice of recognizing a negative thought and redirecting it to a positive thought.  This practice is biblical and highly important to master in order to protect your thought life and to guard your heart from fear!

FEAR!!! Fear is a dangerous emotion!  It can ruin a perfect day, it can make you feel things that truly are not present.  Fear gives physical symptoms in your body, just by allowing it to set in.  Fear always leads into panic and anxiety!  Fear is evil!  The enemy WANTS you to be fearful, always!  Think about the opposite of fear for a moment??? There are many antonyms for fear but a big one is LOVE!  God is LOVE, and HE wants you to feel love at all times.  He wants you to walk in life by love, with love and for love! You are to LOVE at all times, so if this is God’s truth, then there is NO room for fear??  So why do we do it?? Why do we fear??? I would wager (and at least for me this is true) it comes down to not understanding the vast deepness of God’s love for me.  I think if we truly understood how MUCH God loved us that we would never, ever feel fear.  If we truly held on to “I will never leave you or forsake you” and got that deep into our hearts, then when the fears of this life that the enemy tries to throw at us coming crashing in, we could rise up and take a stand and say “No thank you, I have the Lord on my side and He will fight my battles (fears).  But we fail at this, I fail at this, over and over again.  I let the crashing waves hit me and I get knocked down, I let this life consume me and I reap the consequences for it.  For me it’s sleepless nights, racing thoughts, tingling and numbness in my chest, arms and legs, shortness of breath, troubles focusing, stomach aches and pains, headaches and visual disturbance!  These are ALL physical symptoms of FEAR!!! Fear is NOT just an emotion, it manifests itself in so many other ways…that’s why it’s so dangerous! BUT…the good news is, you can surrender it, you DON’T have to carry that load on your own. It’s gets to a point for me where I just get plum sick of it (fear) and I normally get so sick and tired of fighting it that the only thing left I have to do is, just let it go.  Why don’t we do that first?? How come the moment fear sweeps in our initial instinct is to fight it, think about it, and control it? Would if the MOMENT we had the chance to fear, we hit it tail on with God’s word and shut it down? It’s like a snowball catching snow down a hill…if you don’t let it roll down the hill it won’t get bigger!  So don’t let fear roll down the hill! Stop it right away.

I have to be honest; I was very anxious/full of fear before we left on this vacation.  EVERYTHING leading up to it was a total mess!!! I fretted about it all, leaving my kids, the “what if” I have a panic attack, the airplane ride, my children getting sick while we are gone, pretty much anything you could worry about, I did. To make matters worse we even lost my passport and had to rush one to our home and it literally came to our mail box the day before we left! Talk about anxiety!!! It can paralyze you AND keep you from the joys God is trying to bless you with (At this point I contemplated not going at all)! So, I prayed before we left, “Lord, please let this trip blow our expectations out of the water, let it be the most amazing trip ever.”  You see, I got sick of fear, so I prayed the opposite! We arrived at the resort and I thought to ask for “FREE upgrades”, we booked with Expedia and in fine print on our booking it said to “ask for free upgrades”, BUT so did all the other resorts on expedia.com so it really seemed like a shot in the dark.  So I asked. The front desk woman looked at us like, why would I give you free upgrades, and she said “no miss I’m sorry, we don’t have any free promotions for you at this time”.  I pressed it a little further and said “not even a free cabana (a cabana is a covered beach bed)” she said sorry miss those are free here.  Then out of no where a manager in a white outfit started speaking to her in Spanish and the nice front desk lady came back to us and said “Well, I could upgrade you to our sister resort which is a 5 diamond resort, it’s VERY nice at no charge (totally FREE)”.  My husband and best friends and I, all looked at each other like “HUH…why would you do that?”  She then proceeded to explain to us how much more expensive a night it was than the already nice resort we were staying at.  We all looked at each other, half of us reluctant, half of us ready to “go for it” and THEN... she put the cherry on top….”And we will pay for your cab fair to the new resort”.   SOLD!!! We jumped in and never looked back!!! It sincerely was the most amazing resort we have EVER had the pleasure of experiencing (all at NO extra charge for us)!  Every detail was incredible, it was a little piece of heaven on earth!  You know when it has to be God blessing you, because it just doesn’t make sense, we didn’t deserve that, we didn’t earn it, but God gave it to us anyway!!

I could have let my fear ruin this trip, but by God’s grace, wisdom and love, I was able to enjoy and receive the full blessings He had planned. 

Our amazing vacation to Mexico!

Birthing Pains

A few nights ago I had a dream. In the dream I needed to take the elevator up to the fourth floor.  There was a sign on the outside of the elevator that said “It’s a long way up, it’s a slow ride but worth the wait”.  I awoke from the dream knowing there was a lesson there that I needed to pay attention to. 

Over the past few days I have had some personal things take place that have produced some fears, worry and anxiety.  All of which have caused my body to physically feel stress which in turn have caused me to have contractions.  Contractions are the tightening and releasing of muscles.  Think about how much that can relate to stress.  As we stress we hold onto burdens that we are not meant to hold onto.  However, we can release it and our muscles relax and we are free from those burdens. 

I pray that all of you are at a point in your lives where you want to grow into better human beings.  With every growth spurt we hit, we will feel the contractions, the tightening and releasing of muscles which cause some pain but produce growth. You know the old saying “no pain, no gain”.  Well it’s true, if life was always whip cream and cherries then what would we have to keep us in remembrance of God? I always have to remind myself that I am not in control, that my heavenly father is.  His will for me is much better than what I could think up for myself. Breathe through the contractions of life, cast your cares on Him and don’t give into the pain. 

Giving birth is a slow process. You have 9 months to grow; then there is a labor process. But, just like my dream said “It’s a slow ride but worth the wait”. We need to remember… whatever contractions of life you are fighting; surrender it to the Lord.  Then let Him fight your battle, so you can hold your peace and remain in rest. (Exodus 14:4)

The Cost of Obedience

I don’t feel like working out today, I will do it later.  I will call my mom tomorrow.  I know my aunt is sick but I will stop by the hospital to visit her another day.  I will start my diet next month.  I will stop putting things on credit one of these days.  I will tell him “I’m sorry” eventually.  Don’t drive down that street take another route.  Do you know how many thoughts you have in a day? Have you ever had thoughts or similar thoughts like this cross your mind and you subconsciously answer them back or simply listen to them? What do you think that is?  You’re conscious, gut feelings, or the Holy Spirit?  I know now that it’s the Holy Spirit guiding me and in the last year I have felt STRONG feelings prompting me to do certain things. These feelings are real and once I learned to respond and be obedient to them, the blessings were extraordinary!  I would like to share some scenarios where the Holy Spirit asked me to do something and what happened after I was obedient. 

The first one was the decision to quit my full time sales management career to pursue motherhood and photography.  I vividly remember the night God spoke to my heart and said “give up control”.  I further explored that, and He was saying “surrender your life to me, let me lead and you can follow” Although I was not immediately obedient in leaving that career, I finally did and God has blessed me and my family more than I can possibly describe to you.  The first month of being a stay at home mommy, I realized just how much I was missing out on before.  I now get to be a part of their days, laughter, tears, poopy pants, fights, hugs and kisses!  I see my children differently now and I’m so grateful to God for the new found time I get to spend with them. Then photography, WOW!!!!! God has rocked our world with it.  My first month of solely doing photography (only part time, remember I’m primarily a mommy nowJ) we opened a studio space and have stayed booked solid!  I have more time to be with God, help raise my family and be the successful business woman I believe God has designed me to be. If that is not cool enough, I get to do this all with one of my best friends because we are business partners! I truly believe God is blessing our path and showing us favor because we were BOTH obedient in HIM.  He said “it’s time to move on” and we did. 

The second situation was about three months ago.  I learned that a young 23 year old man, (that use to date one of my family members) was struck by a car while running a marathon.  He suffered severe brain injuries and is now living in a care center unable to care or speak for himself.  God put it on my heart to go and pray for him one on one.  I have to be honest; I didn’t want to do it.  Not because I didn’t care about this man, but because it was uncomfortable for me.  I had NEVER done that before and I was worried about what people would think of me if they found out I did that.  Also, it takes time and frankly I had other things I wanted to fill my time up with.  Well, one day after my own personal doctor’s appointments I decided I was finally going to be obedient to God and GO pray for this young man.   I was scared out of my mind! I kept thinking…how am I going to do this?  What am I going to pray for?  What if I chicken out?  What if the nurses and people there think I’m weird?  Oh boy, so many thoughts went through my head, but I got it together, said a little prayer and made my way into the care center.  I was instantly greeted by a nurse who led me straight to this young man’s room.  Another nurse, who happened to be his actual nurse, was in the room already treating and caring for him.   I introduced myself to her and said why I was there and she positioned him so he could see me.  I spoke loudly to this young man and reintroduced myself, he groaned very loudly and his nurse told me “oh that means he knows who you are!.  I thought to myself, “how wonderful, he is responsive and knows who I am!!!”  The nurse left us some privacy.  I leaned over his bed and began to pray for him.  I told him how proud I was of him and how strong he was.  I told him that I believed in him and that I know God is healing him.  I encouraged him with some scripture I could think of in the moment, but just then, I felt God ask me to “sing to him”.  Without hesitation I sang “Amazing Grace My Chains are Gone”.  I held his hand as I gently sang this song to him and tears dripped from both of his eyes.  In that moment, I realized GOD IS WITH US!!!! This sweet young man was REALLY hearing this song and feeling God as I was in the moment.  I wiped his tears and mine and praised God for the incredible moment that just took place. I ended my time with him and left the room.  I was on a high from God’s grace and love!  I know that God is blessing and healing this young man and I look forward to the time God directs me back to his room again to pray.

The last situation happened just recently.  There is a woman in my husband’s home town community that has a rare type of cancer.  Her treatment options are God and God alone.  She had really been on my heart lately and last time I was back in my husband’s home town, I felt led to go pray with her in person.  I had never met her face-to-face but I just knew God was calling me to go and pray with her. Again, we had a busy weekend planned and so many things popped up in my mind as to why I should not go and do this…But thankfully, this time I listened to God’s leading and called her up and asked If I could stop by and pray with her.  She joyfully accepted. I got there and instantly, I felt connected to her like a sister.  She told me that very morning, she had prayed specifically for someone to come and pray with her; Shortly after her prayer, her phone rang and it was me asking if I could pray for her.  God is so cool! I instantly was taught a lesson in that moment that when God asks you do to do something, you better do it, because you just never know who could be counting on you.  One thing that really stood out in my mind from this awesome time with her, was that God has given her the gift of fearlessness. She 100 percent has NO fear and totally trusts God.  Here is the cool thing about God; he always uses these situations to bless both sides.  And here she thought I was there to help her… but then I realized how much she helped me too!  As you all know, I struggle with anxiety, which is totally a form of fear. This one situation alone showed me how we can always trust God NO MATTER WHAT we are facing.  We have no reason to fear, because he is in total control.  Just like with the young man, I walked out with my time with her completely and totally awed by God!

The point to all of this is obedience does cost. 

It costs us time and often being uncomfortable, but if you can get through that, the blessings on the other side are far better than the inconvenience or discomfort you may feel.  The whole “it’s better to give than to receive” is so true.  Please know, I’m not telling these stories to toot my own horn, because believe me, I’m a work-in-progress myself.  I’m not always obedient and I often miss the mark.  I’m telling this because I believe God wants me to share how awesome obedience to him can truly be.   So, I’m going to leave you with these last thoughts.  What gut feeling have you had lately that you are putting off?  Who may be counting on you to come through for them?