The road ahead

A very cool thing happened to me on Saturday May 12th during my jog.  Normally a jog is really good for clearing my head and freeing myself of the normal stresses I face every day.  However, this time my mind was very fixated on things going on in my life. I was "bad" day dreaming about things...my thoughts were NOT good. They were stressful thoughts. I was about a mile into my jog when I started to see flutters in the road way ahead of me. Almost like random wings flapping in the top right, middle and top left of my viewing angle.
 

(I stopped to take a photo while I was running because I knew I wanted to write about this. I photoshopped the "wings" into the road ahead to try and explain what I saw.)

I know that sounds creepy (and it kind of was) but the only thing I could think of was I was starting to see auras...those  happen before a migraine.  I thought "oh great...here comes a migraine".  Then I really thought about it again and it did not feel like a migraine was coming on. Normally when I get a migraine I see black fuzzy dots, so I started to feel like I needed to look just ahead of me at the white painted line on the side of the road instead of WAY ahead of me like the above photo.  

I couldn't see the wings flapping in my view anymore??? HUH??? What the heck was that?? I looked WAY ahead again...there they were!!! Looked down at the road just ahead of me at the white line and they were gone!!! I thought "could that be Jesus telling me something"? So just at that moment I said out loud "Jesus you lead, I will follow.  With every step I take I will follow you and only you. I promise NOT to look ahead and worry about things.  I will just follow you"!! After saying that out loud a HUGE eagle soared directly over me about 10 feet above and chills swept over my entire body!!!!!!!  As I watched that beautiful eagle fly away...I knew I had just been taught an important lesson. 

Looking ahead and stressing about life causes confusion and chaos.  Much like those wild flapping wings I saw in my vision while running.  But, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus and following RIGHT behind him keeps my path straight and safe. That will keep me soaring to great heights like the eagle that passed above me.

I'm going to keep this prayer photo some where in my house to be my constant reminder of how God taught me this important lesson.

It's been a long time coming

Have you ever deep down inside known that GOD was telling you to do something?? We often refer to those as "gut feelings" We as humans do a fantastic job of not listening to our "gut feelings" It's often because we are afraid, prideful, scared, and are unwilling to give up control. Those "gut feelings" are often uncomfortable because God may be asking you to do something that you don't want to do.  In my case, God had been asking me to "give up control" for almost 10 months, but I was not ready to do that just yet. One of the many awesome things about God is...he is patient.

In February of 2011 I had a severe nervous breakdown.  It was several weeks of back to back panic attacks. It was the most difficult time of my life.  It was THAT storm that brought me to my knees (literally) asking "God why is this happening to me?".  What I have learned about "storms" in our lives is that God leads us to them and through them. In this way, he can mold us to become stronger, healthier, and more Christ-like people… IF we allow him. Up until that point in my life, I led myself.  I believed in Jesus but I did not let him lead my life. I led my own life and consulted him every now and then.  There is a HUGE difference. There are wonderful Christian’s that will absolutely make it to Heaven but are missing out on "Heaven on Earth" because they are not letting Jesus lead them.  In the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:10) it states "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven”. How cool is that??? You can have heaven on earth!!! God truly wants us to experience that.  We all know that this life is tough, but if you do it properly, God wants you to prosper and fulfill you in ways you have never even imagined! (Jer 29:11). But in order to achieve this...you must "give up control". Surrender your life to him and let HIM lead and you follow.

After my breakdown I returned back to work. I did a lot of soul searching and hours reading and learning about God's word on stress and anxiety.  In everything I read, I found that being anxious and stressed out is exactly opposite of what God wants for your life. I have done and felt exaclty like these ladies in the picture!!! So, I learned about setting boundaries and staying within them.  However, my biggest lesson of surrendering "control" still was not accomplished.  I heard very clearly from God after returning back to work that I needed to let go of my sales management role.  But I just pushed aside that feeling and tried to merge it with my own interpretation of what I thought I needed. I thought "God don't you just mean that I need help with my job duties? If I just get some help, I won’t be as stressed and my life will be so much better?”  So what did I do??? I asked for an administrative assistant.  All the while, I knew deep down that I was not obeying God.  Why did I do that? Because I thought I knew better than God? No, It was because I was scared, and too prideful.  I did not know what would happen if I gave up my position as sales manager. It was the fear of the unknown. I let fear overtake me; fear is paralyzing and will often lead you into a decision that is NOT from God.  Fear comes from the enemy filling your mind with lies; remember fear is not from God. God will leave you with peace and not fear. (John 14:27) 

So many months have passed but last week the feeling of stepping down from the manager role weighed heavier and heavier on my heart.  One night during a workout, I stopped in the middle to pray, this is what I prayed, "God I’m feeling that it’s time for me to give up my management position, will you please give me some clarity to make this decision? I’m feeling God that you will put someone in my life or take someone out of my life in order to help make this decision easier, amen". The very next day my administrative assistant of 9 months resigned. WOW GOD!!!! That was quick!!! That was the "take someone out of my life in order to help make this decision easier", from my prayer.  That day at lunch she looked me in the face and tearfully said she had to move on... I knew I did too!!!! I excused myself from the lunch and went to the car to cry, I turned on Joy FM and the lyrics I heard were "I wave my white flag, I surrender, I surrender ALL to you, ALL to you"!  God gave me a second chance to get it right and this time I’m going to be obedient and give up control fully and surrender it all to him!

To date I did one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I stepped down as sales manager from a job and company that I adore.  ***I am still employed there as a Sales Rep, just no longer managing *** 

My prayer for this blog post is that you find the strength to dig deep and to be obedient to what God is asking of you. After all, Daddy knows best. :)

Thanks be to God-coming off an antidepressant

It was a Tuesday when I completely finished taking the half dosage of Celexa my doctor was weaning me from, which meant I was DONE with my anxiety meds! I was so excited.  It felt like such an accomplishment to overcome anxiety and not need to lean on medication anymore. (**Disclaimer below)Three days had passed with little side effects or withdrawal symptoms.  I felt wonderful!!! Then day four…the withdrawal symptoms started.  I began to feel VERY dizzy.  By dizzy... I mean my eyes had LOTS of trouble refocusing when I changed my viewing angle.  It took a second or two to re-adjust. Any quick movements made it so much worse.  There were several days during this where I did not feel safe to drive long distances.  It took lots of focus and concentration to keep the dizziness from overwhelming me. With the severe dizziness I had nausea and tension headaches in the back of my head and neck.  I also had sweats…my neck and head would get VERY hot to the touch.  Along with all these symptoms, I had "rebound" anxiety.  I know what you’re thinking…"What the heck? That sounds awful”.  It’s not fun, BUT it will end and I will overcome it.  Also, what you need to know is that it’s completely normal!!!

Because I didn’t know what to expect, I honestly let those symptoms overtake me and the depression would sink in.  I would have thoughts running through my mind like “you're doomed to be on this medicine for life”, “everyone thinks you’re crazy and nobody believes you're dizzy”, “you're such a wimp”, “can’t you just go back on the medication, it would be SO much easier than this”, “you're husband doesn’t believe you”,  “you just want attention”, “it’s going to get worse before it gets better”, “you are going to have this for months”, “YOU WILL NEVER GET BETTER”.  AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You just want to scream!!!!!!! You want to crawl up in a hole and forget about the world!!! That would be easier right??? Wrong!!!! That’s what the enemy wants you to do!!! I did wise up…but I’m admitting that I struggled with it. It WAS a battle…a battle between GOOD and EVIL!!! But, the good news is…the battle is already WON!!!!! Jesus won it for us on the cross!

You see the enemy IS real!!! He comes to “steal and destroy” from us.  He tried to tempt Jesus in the wilderness when Jesus was at his very weakest (Luke 4:1-3 read it...it’s powerful) He strikes when we are WEAK, DOWN and already BROKEN!!! Let me clear something up…some of you may think “Christy you are full of crap, you were having physical withdrawal symptoms from the medication”. Yes I was and that was not from the devil, but the evil thoughts, THEY WERE FOR SURE. What did the enemy do to Eve in the garden? Put thoughts in her mind about why it was OK to eat the forbidden apple. You see the enemy attacks your mind!!! It’s the easiest way to reach you and it’s even easier when you are DOWN. You have heard the saying “kick em while they’re down”…that’s the point.  You must overcome that…be a fighter! Don’t allow the enemy to LIE to you like that and DON'T let him "kick you while you're down"! Don't let yourself get beat up by the enemy feeding posion into your mind like I did. In fact, I learned something so powerful today, our pastor from Element Church, Erik Lawson, said something brilliant..."when you beat yourself up, your basically saying that the beating Jesus took at the cross was not enough".  That hit home for me! 

So how do you overcome this? Well, I’m not done with these symptoms and challenges yet!  But, I’m standing on God’s promises, “I’m more than a conquerer” and “he will restore my health and heal my wounds”! Amen!!!




**Disclaimer- I am ALL for medication when used properly…my anxiety over a year ago was TOO FAR gone and I’m 100% certain the medication was instrumental in my recovery!  If you are suffering with anxiety, please know it’s serious and you must get a handle on it.  

Kids got it...why don't we??

I know you have heard of Child like faith.  What does that really mean...to have child like faith??? I thought about that a lot....and this photo made me come up with some answers.  To be full of joy, love life, have fun and don't take yourself too seriously. Children don't worry about what they wear, who they hang around, what they are going to do next in their day. They just enjoy life!!!

We are instructed by the Lord to do the same.

But we can't have child like faith most of the time because we don't stop to do what God tells us.  He simply says "Be Anxious about nothing".  Boy, do I mess that one up a lot.  It's hard to be anxious about nothing!!! However, if you bring it to him in prayer and be thankful for what you have...you should be able to bypass the whole "anxious" thing.

I recently had a friend pull me aside and tell me that she prayed in a time of need (which she has NEVER done) and she was totally floored by how God answered her prayers. She openly admitted that when she read prior blogs of mine that she thought I was being dramatic on how God answered my prayers...but she now knows personally how powerful prayers are!!!   Why don't we pray more??? I know for me it was because I simply just didn't think to do it. I always thought that I was strong enough to get through whatever might be troubling me. That's not the case...God is the ONLY one strong enough, big enough and powerful enough to get you through. There is NOTHING too big or too small that you shouldn't bring to God by prayer and petition. That is what he longs for...a relationship with you.

Anxiety Anniversary!!

Troy and I at a nice dinner at our resort in Cancun.  Im so thankful to him for his love and support!!!

Feb 16^th marks the one year anniversary of my diagnosis the doctor called “severe anxiety disorder”.  Ironically enough I’m in Cancun again where my story began! However, this time I’m stronger, happier and more fulfilled then I have ever been in my life!!!  

The past twelve months have been full of revelation, growth and maturity for me.  It took hard work and determination to overcome this “disorder” and I’m currently working towards a goal of coming off my anxiety medicine so my husband and I can become pregnant again!

The hard work it took to overcome this…goes a little something like this.  Have you ever seen someone buy a gym membership and NEVER use it??? I’m sure you have...now have you ever seen someone buy the gym membership then try to get their money back because they did not lose any weight, but never went to the gym??  Sounds silly right?? Really, this is just an example to point out that you have to put work into things you want to overcome!!! First and the most important I put God first! Second, I took the time to educate myself on anxiety and what it means to “have anxiety”.  Third, I changed the things in my life that helped cause the anxiety. Fourth, I started taking care of myself better with exercise and diet. None of these things were easy but ALL of them help with controlling anxiety.  You see, anxiety is nothing more than worrying about something that has already happened or has not happened yet. We are not in control of the future and we have to move on from the past.   In Ecclesiastes 5:1 it says “Keep your foot [give your mind to what you are doing]. Be in the moment…don’t worry about the future or things that have happened in the past. In Matthew 6:34 it says “Do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own.  Sufficient for each day is its own trouble”.

My battle with anxiety turned when  1)  Troy and I turned it over to God 2) asked for wisdom and admitted that we did not know what to do to change it 3) placed our fears, hopes and prayers upon the Lord.

If you are suffering with anxiety right now…no matter how big or small I encourage you to do the same thing I did.  Give it up to God.  He will direct your path!

O Christmas Tree...O Christmas Tree

 A few weeks ago my lovely family and I were decorating the Christmas Tree.  It's  a huge 10ft tree that is pre-lit.  We got the entire thing up, plugged in and ALL the lights but one little section were out!!!! My husband got the grand idea of putting outside HUGE LED bulb lights on the tree.  So we put them on the tree, plugged it in and....only part of the strain worked. We were left with about 20 lights total on the whole 10ft tree that worked and lots of wasted time.  Oh... how stressful a little thing like decorating a tree can actually become...IF YOU LET IT.

In dealing with my anxiety issues, I have learned that I have choices to make.  I could of chosen in this Christmas tree saga above to curse and throw a huge fit and let the entire situation ruin my night...which I believe I would have done in the past, instead I took a deep breath and remember how blessed I truly am to even be able to put a tree up in the first place.  I took one look at my beautiful boys and how they were so excited to be decorating the tree... with or with out lights...and in that moment...I decided the tree DOES NOT NEED lights this year!!!

In Romans 12:16 we learn that it is wise to plan, but if things don't go our way we must be flexible. I have learned in every situation in my life I need to surrender control. The simple fact is we are not in control...GOD is. Once I truly understood that...the chains of anxiety started to fall from me.  We have all heard the saying "everything happens for a reason" something I like to think that seconds that point is Romans 8:28 this is the scripture that lets us know that, NOT ALL THINGS are good, but God works everything together for HIS good.

Whatever you are facing this Holiday season, remember to think good thoughts and choose to be thankful.  Trust God...he has got your back. It has been said "he will never leave you or forsake you"! That's good news!!!

Has anyone every told you “Don’t worry it’s not the end of the world”?

Has anyone ever told you “Don’t worry it’s not the end of the world” when life handed you a stressful situation? How many times have you been in one of those hard spots in life where you thought it, even if someone did not say it to you?  What does that even mean “the end of the world”, to you?  We use it as a comparison all the time to life’s crazy circumstances we face.  But, have you ever stopped to really think, what that means, and is there any truth in it?

Recently I was blessed to listen to an amazing series at my home church Element in Wentzville where Pastor Eric gave me some incredible insight on what we reference as “the end of the world”.

This is where you don’t shut down and stop reading.  J I promise if anything it will give you something to think about. Lets look at all the natural disasters happening so frequently right now. Why do you think that is happening? In the bible which is 1/3 prophecy (prophecy means to predict what is going to happen), Jesus says in Matthew 24:4-8 “Watch out that no one deceives you. ⁵ For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. ⁶ You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. ⁷ Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. ⁸ All these are the beginning of birth pains”.  Check this out!

http://maps.grida.no/go/graphic/trends-in-natural-disasters

You don’t have to be a genius to see that those numbers are increasing and becoming more frequent.  It’s not global warming, Jesus said this would happen! To top it off in 2011 there has been a natural disaster every month! We could break down that verse even more with more staggering statistics on famine and wars, but I will focus on the natural disasters for now. So is someone, something or perhaps God trying to get our attention?

Whatever your experiencing right now, death in the family, divorce, financial instability, infidelity, depression, or anxiety…it is NOT the end of the world.  Find your strength and rest in Jesus. Start loving others, let go of indifference's and work on your relationship with Jesus so you can be a light for others that need him! In the end what matters is this ⁶ Jesus answered, “I

am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”. John 14:6.  You can’t have the kingdom of God and all the amazing things he offers without Jesus.    

This is GOOD NEWS! You don’t have to be on this Earth during what the bible calls the tribulation (tribulation means: something that causes great difficulty, affliction, or distress). We will be raptured or caught up off this earth to be with God in Heaven 1 Thessalonians 4 15-18. Don’t wait to turn your life around for the better! We are living in the end times.  Let me be clear because the bible is clear on this “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father” on the ending day. So, with that being written, are you ready?

If you need to accept Jesus in your heart but are truly lost on how to begin…please let me know.  I would be happy to say the prayer of salvation with you.
Christyb1981@gmail.com